Dream in Motion
by Alsike
Summary: and Other Winning Phrases from Songs by Billy Ocean AU Femslash. Olivia is the new principal of a Connecticut private school. Alex Cabot is the student making her life miserable. There's only one way to solve the problem. MATURE
1. Chapter 1

The last principal at St. Teresa's Private Girls' High had retired in a storm of scandal. His current whereabouts were unknown, although it was likely that he had fled the country. Olivia Benson, last month a lowly second year guidance counselor, shuffled through the newspaper clippings that littered her new desk in her new office and wondered how much of the gossip printed as news was accurate and how much of it had been fabricated by the demon of the school's board of directors: Mrs. Harold Cabot. Olivia hadn't realized exactly how accurate that description was until suddenly Mrs. Cabot pushed through a ferocious measure that promoted the lowly counselor into the newly vacant principal slot.

Olivia hadn't even wanted to work at a posh girl's school. She was planning on applying for a position in the inner city, dealing with gangs and troubled youth. But it turned out that having a criminal record was not good for getting a job in the public school system. Somehow it didn't bar her from private schools, which Olivia found rather odd. So Olivia had ended up in the wilds of suburban Connecticut, pretending to have the qualifications to be a principal, and squashed between the power plays of two insufferable Cabot women.

At least Mrs. Cabot only wanted the school to succeed. St. Teresa's ratings had dropped for four years in a row before the former principal was ousted. Olivia figured that that had more to do with the reason he left than the hints of embezzlement. Liv had had a good look at the books, and all of that seemed to be in order, if private funding by Mrs. Cabot on enlarging the library and putting in a new swimming people were technically in order. Liv would be willing to bet that it was all written off on her taxes as charitable donations, carefully ignoring the fact that the Cabots were shareholders in the incorporated school. But that was only money. Mrs. Cabot's daughter, Alexandra, had far more nefarious things in mind.

It was clear that Alex Cabot felt like she owned the school. She was a senior, and Olivia thanked whatever higher being that was listening that she was leaving the next year. She was a cheerleader with a full AP load, and according to the grade sheets was acing every class although Olivia had never actually spotted her inside a classroom. Instead she spent most of the day relaxing in the hallways, on the bleachers, or at the table in the library that was half hidden by the stacks.

Her best friend was Serena Southerlyn, also blonde, also a cheerleader, and though less disdainful, clearly agreed with Alex on the role of authority in her life. She had been one of Olivia's advisees, and on their first perfunctory meeting, Serena had sauntered into her office twenty minutes late, gave her a once over, and asked with a blank expression on her face, "are you a dyke?"

Olivia had managed to reply, "Would you like to sit down?"

This made Serena laugh. "I'm sure the answer really isn't that shocking."

Serena was clearly demon spawn, but at least she had a sense of humor. Their meetings had a tendency to be sparring matches, and she had managed to build some rapport with the girl. She had encouraged Serena to apply to Smith as well as to NYU and Columbia. She wouldn't ever say it, but she was worried about these Connecticut hothouse flowers wandering around the big city all on their own. And after a few veiled comments, and some that were more blunt, Olivia was pretty sure that if she asked Serena the question that had begun their relationship, the answer would be in the affirmative.

But, although Serena was manageable, and a girl, that though she would never admit it, she actually liked, Alex was another breed entirely.

Not only did Alex consider herself above all school rules, she also actively liked to thwart them. Her worst enemy was Abbie Carmichael, a dark-haired Texas transplant, who vied with Alex for her position as captain of the cheerleading team, for local boys, and for anything that might make the blonde twitch. Olivia found her to be obnoxiously cocky, and full of herself, and she had already been given detention twice for inappropriately short skirts. But she didn't actively try to make Olivia's life hell, which, though not a point in her favor, classed her along with the normal set of obnoxious students.

Olivia could hear shouting echoing down the hall and she groaned as she stood up. It sounded like there was a fight.

Alex had a firm grip on Abbie's hair and Abbie's nails were out, scratching at her face, when Olivia burst through the ring of girls shouting and cheering for their favored combatants.

"Okay! Break it up!"

It really pissed Olivia off that the two eighteen year olds were so fucking tall. But she was tougher than them, and caught Abbie by the back of her shirt and Alex by a good bit of her hair and dragged them apart.

"I told you to break it up!"

Alex turned her sharp blue-eyed glare onto Olivia and wiped away some blood trickling from a scratch on the side of her face. "I really don't see what this has to do with you."

There was a snicker from most of the audience. Olivia merely raised an eyebrow. "Maybe I can explain. My office, now." She turned and fixed the brunette with a look. "I want to see you in an hour."

Alex crossed her arms. "If I'm going to get fucked over, I'd like it to take all night, or don't you have the stamina for that?"

Olivia pushed her in the direction of her office. "If I decided to suspend you, I can make it last all week."

That got her a laugh, and she felt a small victory, although she was pretty sure a principal wasn't supposed to feel victorious about one-upping their students verbally.

"You wouldn't dare to suspend me. It could put my acceptance to college in jeopardy, and my mother would have your job."

"You do know that running to your mom isn't going to work your whole life."

Alex sat comfortably in the chair across from her desk, arms and legs crossed, and zero fear in her eyes. "Don't try and lecture me on my life choices, because it's pretty clear that you couldn't even begin to comprehend them."

"Really?" Olivia settled into her own chair. Really, the worst problem with Alexandra Cabot was how attractive she was. Certainly she was arrogant, dismissive, and cold, but her ice blue eyes and harsh sculptural lines of her face made her seem inviolable, and there was nothing Olivia liked so much as interfering with the things she wasn't supposed to touch. She had always had a talent for defilement, even if it was just a china doll on her mother's mantle, being kept from childish hands. Alex Cabot was a lot like a china doll, and every once in a while Liv let herself wonder what it would be like to smudge her porcelain-white face, and make her squirm and sweat as if she really was a human, and not a particularly infuriating robot.

"I doubt you've ever had anything even resembling a connection. And in my world there's one rule, if you have a connection, use it. I suppose for you the rule might be, if you know a good parole officer, choose them."

Olivia raised her eyebrow. "Actually, you usually don't get to pick your parole officer."

Alex just sat back and smiled. It was obvious that Mrs. Cabot had been sharing certain elements of her CV with her daughter.

"I'm going to give you a week of detention."

"I won't go."

"Each day you miss adds another on the end."

"So?"

"If you build up ten detentions you're automatically suspended for a week."

"You really don't want to do that."

"It's your choice. I'm being nice. If you want to suspend yourself it's your own issue."

"My mom-"

Olivia stood up, enjoying her moment of superior height. "Every single person in this school saw this fight! If I don't give you detention I will look like a hypocrite, puppet governor. The fact that this is true is irrelevant. You will support me in this for your mother's sake. Do you think she would be happy trying to find a new principal so soon? Especially one as accommodating as me?"

Alex stood up and walked out.

"I'll call her and give her a heads up, okay?" Olivia called after her, enjoying the sway of her ass as Alex stalked away.

***

The scent of freshly mown grass pervaded the air where Serena and Alex sat on the bleachers with their lunch that they picked up from the deli nearby. Alex leaned back against the boards and scowled.

"I can't believe I have detention every day this week. What am I supposed to do about practice?"

"Well, as Abbie will be in there too, you won't have to worry about her usurping your position. It's okay, we can handle ourselves without you for just a little while."

Alex flashed her amused glare. "It just pissed me off. Where does she get off being all high handed like that?"

Serena gave her an inquiring glance. "Ms. Benson?"

"Yes. What sort of person is totally aware of all they owe to my family, and is still willing to treat me as if I was just a normal student?"

"Someone who's fair?"

Alex harrumphed. "There's no way she's fair. But what was I thinking talking about this to you? We all know you've got a crush on her."

"Me? No way. But you have to admit she's hot."

Alex rolled her eyes. "S, you think Novak's hot."

"What about it?" Serena glanced away guiltily. Alex restrained her laughter. It was all too obvious that her best friend had a thing for the resident nerd/fashion disaster.

"Did you see that jacket she was wearing today? Lime green? With her hair?"

Serena groaned. "She's still cute."

"I don't understand why you haven't made a move yet. I mean: she's on the _softball_team. I really doubt she's going to say no."

Serena hid her face in her hands. Alex prodded her with an elbow a few times.

"You talk a good game, Serena. But have you ever gone out on a date with a girl?"

"Of course I have!"

Alex smirked. "Making out at parties does not count."

Serena scowled. "I went out with your cousin Lauren."

"I set that up. It doesn't count."

"Fine, I'm a sad lesbian wallflower, but you have got to admit that your obsession with Ms. Benson has a good dose of attraction worked in."

"My obsession? I have no obsession!"

"You were the one who made me pose as your mom to get that background check done. You were the one who suggested her for the principal's position. You've skipped more classes and gotten in more fights since she's been in charge than you have in your entire high-school career."

"It's senioritis."

"It's an obsession. But just admit that she's hot when she stalks down a hallway to break up a fight. You know it's true."

"Fine," Alex shrugged. "She's hot, and sometimes I want to bend her over her desk and fuck her until she begs for mercy. But it's not an obsession."

Serena let out a heartfelt groan. "I really did not need that image."

"You're such a prude."

"No, I'm not. It's just not that easy to find a place to masturbate at school!"

Alex snorted with amusement. "Just grab Casey and take her underneath these bleachers."

"Yeah, because sidling up to Casey and saying, 'hey, I'm fucking horny, and I need you to take the edge off right now,' won't make her pass out."

"I can see you've put some thought into this."

"Can you invite her to the party on Friday?"

Alex gave her a look. "Why don't you invite her?"

Panic crossed Serena's face. "But then it will be like a date, and I just want her to show up, so I can say hi, and have a valid excuse for a conversation."

"Don't tell me you haven't even spoken to her yet."

"She's a junior! And nerdy! What was I supposed to say? So… AP Chem, I took that, how's it going for you?"

"It would have been a start."

"I would have sounded like an idiot!"

"Fine. I'll give her an invite to the party, but you had better talk to her. And pray that she's wearing something coordinated or she's not allowed to come ever again."

***

After detention and the end of cheerleading practice, Alex parked her Spider in the garage and stepped into an empty house. The message machine was blinking. She hit the middle button and her mother's voice filled the house.

"Alexandra. Your principal called today to inform me that you had been fighting. Really! This is so unlike you, and a disgrace to your family. How on earth am I supposed to go to a school board meeting knowing that my child is a delinquent? Ms. Benson is a very amiable young woman and I'm sure she is going to do good things for the school. Try not to make things too difficult for her, alright, darling?"

Alex scowled at the wall, feeling frustrated that she didn't have a human target for her annoyance, but her mom had learned to call before Alex could get home from school.

"Now, your father's secretary said that he's going to be stuck in Japan for another few weeks, and can't take you. But I scheduled this spa a month ago, and I really can't back out now. Ricardo would be furious. So if you could just look after yourself this week, that would be lovely dear."

Alex stormed impotently up the stairs and flopped on her stomach into her canopied double bed. It wasn't as if she wasn't used to spending weeks home alone. It had been a regular enough phenomenon even before her parents had split up when she was ten, now it just seemed to happen more often. They seemed to treat her as a valuable object. They were pleased that they owned her but knew it wouldn't decrease her worth if they left her in the attic for a few years.

Her mother had called fighting 'unlike her' but how would she know? The only time she ever paid attention to Alex was when she had some gossip about the daughters of one of her friends. And she had stopped telling her anything after the incident a few years ago when she had revealed Serena's lesbian tendencies in confidence, and it had gotten back to Mrs. Southerlyn who had freaked out and was still making Serena's life hell by setting her up on dates with eligible young men. Alex had had a lot of groveling to do to make Serena forgive her for that one.

It had been a good fight though. Abbie was the best person to provoke because the crazy Texan would resort to violence much more quickly than anyone else at school, and Alex was still unsure on how one crossed that border from a sharp comment to a closed fist. She had come close to it when Olivia was yelling at her though. …Olivia… Serena would never let her live it down if she admitted that she referred to Ms. Benson by her first name in her head. But it was true enough that Ms. Benson turned her on like no one else. She had always been interested in the lanky boyish counselor. She stood out from the sweater and pearls Connecticut crowd like an ostrich in a flock of pigeons.

Their first encounter had been in the middle of first period the first day of sophomore year. It had been Olivia's first day of seeing students and she was running late, hurrying in through the front doors into the atrium where Alex had been taking a break from math. Alex had given the flustered woman a look and said, "You're late."

Olivia had glanced at her incredulously, spotted her uniform, and then given her a slow, appraising once over, that had sent electricity shooting up Alex's spine. Then she had replied, "It seems that you're not where you're supposed to be either," turned, and walked away down the hall towards the administrative offices.

Before that Alex had never even considered her sexuality. Whenever Serena pointed out girls she found attractive, Alex could barely restrain her disgust. But with the new evidence regarding Ms. Olivia Benson the verdict needed to be reconsidered. Her new understanding was that, as with the Casey problem, it seemed that they just had radically different taste. And Alex had come to realize that she could not be attracted to anyone that she didn't respect, and she had no respect for any of the cookie-cutter preppies that went to her school, and their mothers were all bored housewives who thought pearls and Birkin bags would bring excitement into their lives.

Olivia was different. And after Alex had gotten a copy of Olivia's resume and her application for the counseling job, she had become even more interesting. A few phone calls had verified some of her speculations, and ex-felon Olivia Benson had become a staple of her masturbatory fantasies. Encouraging her mom to consider her for the principal's slot had been but the work of a moment. As a counselor Olivia had been verboten, but as a principal the impropriety was an incredible turn on. And now she had disciplinary capabilities. Alex liked to think of those two words together: …Olivia…discipline…. She had jerked her off Abbie so fiercely, and then gave her that firm shove down the hallway. It was too bad that detention and suspension were such uninteresting punishments.

***

Alex had been showing up for detention every day this week. Olivia found this activity even more suspicious than her usual diffident disregard for rules. She doubted admitting the fact that she was a puppet and then using her mother against her would impress someone like Alex. It didn't impress Olivia much. Had she turned into a tattletale? If you're bad again I'll tell your mom and she'll give you a spanking! How childish.

But she really wasn't trained for this. A counselor wasn't supposed to be disciplinarian. She knew as well as anyone that discipline was about respect. They had to give you the power to terrorize them. In other situations the answer was much simpler. Alex was a snobby little rich girl who had never dealt with anything real in her life. Certainly she could catfight with the best of them, but she'd never taken a real whooping. She would crumble with one direct hit to her pretty face, and then she would get up and go straight to the police. It was clear that this was not an option. There was really only one way to break a troublemaker like her: humiliation.

***

"Hey, Casey."

Casey glanced up from her book, spotting Alex, and letting a flash of terror show on her face, before restraining it and trying to smile. "Um, hi?"

Alex shook her head. Serena had a lot of work to do on this one. "I just wanted to let you know about the party on Friday."

Casey was eyeing her suspiciously.

"You know about it, right? It starts at midnight, in the gym."

"That's kind of late."

Alex shrugged. "All the security's gone by then. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that you're invited."

"Are you sure?"

That was blunt. Casey looked blatantly incredulous, and Alex found herself appreciating the straightforward attitude of the girl. She flashed a grin.

"I'm sure. Serena's really hoping you'll come."

Then she spun on her heel and left the library, appreciating Casey's bewilderment. She would never find the girl attractive, but she could appreciate the cute.

***

Olivia opened her email to find a message from a numbered address, with a subject line that read "FYI."

She opened it and read: "Dear Ms. Benson,

"I thought you might like to know about the party that Alexandra Cabot is planning to hold at midnight on Friday in the school gym. Local boys are invited, and alcohol flows like water. It happens every year since Cabot started. I'm sure you already know how much trouble she is.

"The Good Fairy."

This was one of the stupidest messages Olivia had ever received, but if Alex were having a party on school grounds this weekend, it would explain her docility this week.

***

Alex found Serena in their usual place on the bleachers during lunch.

"Casey has been invited," she pronounced regally.

Serena grinned. "I invited Ms. Benson."

"What!"

Serena cracked up. "Just kidding." Alex thwacked her. "Kidding!"

"You'd better be."

"The last thing we need is the principal showing up at the party." Serena shook her head. "But come on, Lexi, don't tell me you would mind particularly if she showed up and wanted to party."

"I could just see that. She's legal, maybe she can bring a keg." Alex rolled her eyes.

"She's only twenty-six, right? She's probably bored out of her mind in this town. She's been here three years with no nightclub and only a testosterone soaked sports bar for entertainment."

"Are you really trying to encourage me to invite the school principal to the most alcohol soaked party of the year that we hold _on school grounds_?"

"No, I'm just inquiring about what you would do if your bit o' rough showed up and wanted you to treat her nicely."

"'Bit of rough?' Where do you get these terms?"

"You can't say that's not why you're into her. She's tough enough to push you around, but basically, she's vulnerable. She can't compete with you economically, and you can always cry molestation and fuck up her life for good. And that's what gets you off."

Alex's face went slack. She had never thought of it in quite those terms. It took all the fun out of it. She liked using her power to make Olivia frustrated and angry. She was the student. She was supposed to be the one who could get in trouble. Sure she said that she could get Olivia fired, but seriously, not for giving her detention. Her mom couldn't care less if Alex got suspended unless her friends found out. But if she lied it would be far too easy to send Olivia to jail.

"Alex?" Serena prodded her in the side, but she was too absorbed in her own thoughts to care.

"What would I have to do to get her to trust me?"

"What?" Serena stared at her blankly. "You mean Ms. Benson? Why would you want her to trust you?"

Alex shook her head, and rested her forehead in her hand. "Ignore that, please. I don't know what I'm thinking."

Serena frowned. "Alex, how into Ms. Benson are you? Do you really want to go somewhere with this, or is it just a fantasy?"

Their eyes met and it was easy for Serena to read the worry and tension in her best friend's expression. She pulled Alex into an awkward hug. "You really like her, honey? I'm sorry for teasing."

"You really shouldn't be. How can I like her? I've never had a non antagonistic conversation with the woman."

"Well," Serena tapped her chin thoughtfully, "You seem to be in the same boat as me."

***

Olivia glanced at her outfit one more time in the mirror before starting out the door. God, where had she come up with this stupid idea anyway? Well, she knew. It had come from the line "local boys are invited." She tugged her cap down a little farther over her eyes, and hiked up her baggy jeans, hoping she wouldn't lose them entirely.

It was almost one. The party should be going strong.

The side door by the gym was open. Inside was dark, but it wasn't silent. When Liv stepped into the dimly lit cavernous room, she realized that no one was likely to recognize her. The place was mad, a boom box pounding everyone's ears with unrelenting rock and hip-hop. The floor was sticky and slick with spilled beer. In the area near the speakers one of the dancers shrieked as she tripped, fell and was trampled.

On the opposite side of the gym the bleachers had been pulled out. Olivia pulled out her notebook. She would start there.

Couples were curled into the bleachers, making out, and in one case all out fucking. Olivia jotted down the names of her students. Luckily it was a small enough school for her to know most everyone. She put a checkmark by the name of the girl who was involved in intercourse; she would probably need an extra lecture. On the end was Kathy Waters making out with a boy wearing the exact same hat as Olivia. She was about to head along the far wall when she caught sight of movement underneath the bleachers. Liv doubled back for a closer look. Was that Serena? And … Casey? Olivia nearly dropped her notebook. She didn't think the kid had it in her, but she was pinning the older girl against the wall. She shrugged and jotted down their names. No playing favorites tonight.

But the sight of Serena had made her wonder about the whereabouts of Alex. Somehow Liv couldn't picture her enmired in the dance pit of doom over there, or in the group of idiots over by the keg. She figured she'd find the ringleader eventually.

It had taken ages to be sure that she had all the names from the dance pit. Six pages of her notebook were covered. She was mostly certain that she had tracked down and labeled every St. Teresa's girl in the gym, but she hadn't seen Alex.

The door to the left of the dance pit was open and Olivia slipped out there. A group of smokers stood in the small, protected alcove near the dumpsters. Olivia held her breath as she took down names, and thought it was lucky that smokers lost their sense of smell. Still no Alex, but she thought she saw a glimpse of a figure in between the tennis wall and the generator. She started in that direction and one of the smokers called out to her.

"Dude. The princess doesn't want any company."

Olivia started. This was the first time she had been addressed, besides a drunken proposition to dance that could as easily have been aimed at the wall.

"I think," Olivia replied, faking a masculine tone, "that she won't mind seeing me."

The smoker shrugged as if to say, 'it's your funeral,' and left her alone.

Olivia tucked the notebook into her jacket and headed over to behind the tennis wall.

"Hey, princess."

Alex was standing there, her arms crossed, gazing listlessly over the hockey field and towards the woods. She turned quickly, a sharp expression crossed her face as she readied to make the intruder's life a misery, but she stopped before a single word fell from her open lips. Surprise enveloped her face.

"Olivia?"

Olivia hadn't expected to be recognized so easily. It was dark and the dingy light that came from the streetlight posted behind the school was less than a moon would have provided. And she hadn't expected her first name to fall from Alex's lips, especially not in that tone.

"For a party you planned, it doesn't look like you're having a very good time."

"No," replied Alex. Her expression was odd. She seemed to be studying Olivia intently, but distractedly, as if there was too much going on in her head. Was she drunk?

Alex took two steps forward, dropping her hands. She was wearing a shimmering silvery tank top and tight black jeans. Compared to some of the ensembles Olivia had seen in the gym, she was very tastefully and restrainedly dressed. But in the dim light her hair and skin also looked silver and cold. She seemed like a statue made of ice. She was motionless as well, frozen. There was no resemblance between this girl and the scratching, spitting wildcat she had pulled off of Abbie earlier in the week. She seemed years older and tired. The lurch inside was unexpected. Why should she want to hold this girl, and reassure her? That was absurd, that was-

Ice moved, liquid, and lips chilled by the night air pressed against hers, hot breath. Alex was kissing her.

Alex's hands were curled around her face, holding her tightly, thumbs rubbing along Olivia's cheekbones. Olivia's hands slipped involuntarily around her narrow waist, her fingers splayed over her hips. Alex's kisses were intense, open mouthed, and desperate. Olivia could barely keep up with her, and fend off her questing tongue. Her mouth tasted sharply of beer. Suddenly ice-cold concrete impacted her back, and she realized that Alex had pushed her up against the tennis wall. Alex was sucking at her neck and icy hands were sliding under her shirt.

That was all the impetus needed for Olivia to push Alex away from her. She might be dressed like a teenager, but she was not a teenager. Alex was a student, a grasping, selfish student, who would never hesitate to use anything against her.

Olivia caught Alex's shoulders and shoved her forcefully away. She stumbled back, and Olivia actually thought she saw hurt on her face.

"What do you think you're doing?"

The hurt was quickly replaced with anger. Olivia was on more comfortable ground with that.

"You kissed me back." Alex was boiling now. She looked mussed and unhappy. Olivia would never mistake her for an ice statue now. "You can't say you didn't kiss me back."

"You've had too much to drink."

"Well, what are you doing? Crashing your students' parties in disguise! Looking for illicit hookups!"

"Looking for troublemakers," said Olivia quietly. "And I think I found the biggest one."

"Fuck you!"

"Stop being so childish!"

Alex glared at her, the whites of her eyes glinting in the half-light. "Childish?"

"What else should I call it? Babyish? Infantile? You kissed me and I rejected you. Deal with it like an adult and don't try and look for ways you can spin this so it will hurt me. You can't hurt me. I don't care if you get me fired. This job is the shittiest job I have ever had, and the worst part of it is you."

Alex stood shaking in the cold night air. "I could send you to jail. I could say you…"

"You're eighteen, honey." Alex winced at the sarcasm in Olivia's voice. "And you have no proof, unless you've got one of your lackeys out here with a camera, and since last I checked your wingman was macking on her girl under the bleachers, I think that wasn't part of your plan."

"You've been arrested before!"

"For being in a protest."

"You punched a policeman!"

"It happens in protests." Olivia took a threatening step forward. "I'm not going to do it now."

Alex stiffened.

"It looks like someone's been doing their homework."

"Someone had to know what kind of person you were."

"Yeah. And after finding all this out you've decided that I'm the type you want to fuck?"

The cringe was too obvious. Olivia was stunned by that admittance. She had expected Alex to recover faster. Maybe it was an experimental kiss, maybe manipulative, but not honest. Alex had made her life hell for the whole year; she couldn't… want her, could she? God the whole concept was so high school. Olivia couldn't deal with this.

"Well, I don't want the same with you," Olivia snapped and turned back towards the school. "Be on time for Monday. You don't want to miss it."

***

Sleep was a long time coming for Olivia that night. Alex kept flashing through her head: icy, scowling, spitting, passionate, and that one moment of open vulnerability when Liv had pushed her away. God, she knew she should never have let herself consider Alex attractive, but all the fantasies about putting her over her knee and making her cry wouldn't leave her alone.

Her hand slipped down between the waistband of her pajamas and she let herself think of Alex's hair wild and mussed, her lipstick smudged and imperfect. The guilt and disgust overwhelmed her afterwards, but at least she could sleep.

***

"How are you supposed to talk to someone that you made out with at a party?"

Alex groaned. She couldn't deal with Serena's whining, not after the debacle with Olivia the night before. "I thought the point of the party was so that you could _talk_."

"I couldn't think of anything to say." Serena flopped onto the bed next to Alex. "I brought her a beer, and she looked at me as if I was going to attack her."

"So you did?"

"I drank most of my beer in one go and then sort of leaned against the wall."

"For how long?"

"Maybe an hour."

Alex groaned even more emphatically. "God, you are such a loser. You can't say one word to her, yet you cannot shut up in my presence."

"She kept on looking at me and chewing on her lip like she wanted to say something."

"She struck me as a rather blunt person. I'm surprised she didn't get it out."

"Oh, she did. She asked me why you had told her that I wanted her to come."

Alex grinned.

"So I stammered for what felt like five minutes, and then I think she decided to cut her losses and kissed me. I dropped my beer on her shoes. But they were incredibly bad shoes, so it was ok."

Serena was grinning like an idiot and Alex was mulling over ways of killing her slowly. She stared at her fingers clenching and releasing the bedspread and grit her teeth.

"I kissed Olivia."

Serena had just taken a sip of diet coke and choked, foam shooting out her nose. Alex leapt up and pushed Serena off her bed.

"Oh my god! You are so gross!"

"No way! You tell me that you made a move on Ms. Benson and expect me to just take it calmly?"

"Well, it was useless. She rejected me in no uncertain terms."

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"Please don't be. It's just my weird issues with authority cropping up again. I'm glad it's over."

"It's over?"

"Entirely. I am over Ms. Olivia Benson. So over. I could not be more done with this in a hundred years."

***

Monday morning Olivia headed off the janitors from the gym. "Don't clean it up. I have plans for the mess."

They were bemused, but amiable.

She called an assembly during first period, and the entire school marched into the auditorium. Olivia stood on the stage and paced from side to side as the brats in uniform filled their seats. When the room had settled she headed to the podium and leaned into the mike.

"Would Miss Alexandra Cabot please come to the stage."

Alex, ensconced in the middle of the back row, felt the blood drain from her face when she heard her name. She climbed over the other students to get to the aisle and headed down. What would Olivia do? She wouldn't make a statement about the kiss in front of the school just to make sure Alex had no blackmail material, would she?

Alex reached the stage. Olivia didn't look at her, which was somewhat comforting. She reached the podium and Olivia handed her a sheet of paper.

"If Miss Cabot reads your name, please come up to the stage."

Alex started reading the list of names. It sounded unfortunately like her guest list, although there were a few people who had probably crashed.

Nearly a third of the school was standing in the orchestra pit below the stage by the time Alex reached the end of the list. She passed it back to Olivia who smiled at her. The blush on Alex's face was involuntary.

"So," Olivia glanced down into the pit of faces, some worried, some cocky. "Did all of you have fun on Friday night?"

The fidgeting stilled.

"I had a good time seeing you all at Alex's party. The beer was good too, and plenty of it, eh?"

There was much suspicious glancing. Olivia looked up at the rest of the audience.

"I'm sorry you all weren't invited. I suppose you're not Alex's special friends."

Alex was hiding her face behind her hand.

"It really was a great party. You know how you can tell? Because of the mess." Olivia glanced at Alex. "I bet it was a brainstorm to hold the thing in the gym. You didn't have to clean up your house before your parents got home, and instead of just blaming it on a brother if you get caught, you have three hundred other suspects."

Alex nodded wryly.

"Well, I'm sorry. This time you got caught." Olivia gave a glare at the students in the pit. "You all got caught. And now you get your reward. You get to clean the gym."

***

Alex was assigned on the toilet scrubbing crew. The bathrooms were particularly disgusting from the people who couldn't hold their liquor. Alex had to hurry into one of the stalls to puke in sympathy, as did a few others. The work was two steps forward, one back. And every time one of her fellows snubbed her, and then later, in the halls, when the students who hadn't been invited singled her out to turn and laugh, she got more and more angry. By the end of school she was seething, and the moment the final bell rung she stormed down the hall and into Olivia's office.

"What were you thinking, singling me out like that? I called their names. I'm like a narc!"

Olivia looked up in surprise when she stormed in, but only chuckled at her words.

"And then the bathrooms! God, I can't even think about it without…" Alex pushed her hands against her mouth and shook her head until the urge to vomit dissipated.

"Why? Why did you do this to me?"

Olivia looked at her steadily for a long moment. She was in her gym clothes, and her hair was stringy from the post-scrubbing shower, sans blow dry. She didn't seem angry either, just exhausted and shaking. It was exactly what she had wanted.

"Because I wanted to humiliate you."

"Do you hate me that much?"

"You made my life miserable. You undermined my authority at every turn. I needed to do something."

"And rejecting me wasn't enough? You didn't want to just break my pride, but have the entire school cut me dead as if I were a traitor, and then deal with bodily fluids? Do you have any idea how many times I threw up this morning?"

Olivia couldn't restrain her giggle and Alex saw red. She was in front of Olivia in a second and was lashing out, her palm stinging from where it had contacted Olivia's cheek.

Olivia touched her face slowly, then stood slowly, looking Alex in the eye.

"Don't do that."

"What?"

In a second Olivia had Alex's wrists pressed up over her head against the wall. "You will not hit me. You will not touch me without my permission. Do you understand? You will learn your place."

Alex was gulping down air. She had never been controlled like this.

"I've had enough of your attitude." Olivia reached over and clicked the lock on the door. Alex watched in trepidation. She heard the sound of the busses leaving. "Did you understand why what you did was bad?"

Alex nodded nervously. Olivia was acting a bit psychotic.

"Do you think you should be punished for it?"

"Um, yes?"

"Yes what?"

"Yes… please?"

Olivia started to laugh and Alex leaned back against the wall, watching her curiously. "I like that one," she said, once she had caught her breath. "However, it's not exactly what I was going for. It's clear you've never done this before, so I'm going to lay down the rules. Our relationship seems to have gotten confused somewhere. I am the principal of the school. Headmistress if you prefer. And you will call me Ms. Benson, or Ma'am. There will be no 'Olivias.' I am sure that is what led to your 'embarrassment' Friday night."

Alex nodded, hugging herself nervously.

"What do we say?"

"Um, yes?"

"I think we've covered that the answer isn't 'yes please.'"

"Yes, ma'am?"

Olivia grinned like a cat. "Yes, please."

For the first time in her life, Alex felt like she had gotten in over her head. Olivia licked her lips, and Alex's heart started to pound.

Olivia sauntered over to the armless chair in front of the desk and settled into it. Then she beckoned Alex over. Alex walked stiffly and stood in front of her. Olivia patted her lap. Alex didn't move.

"Drape yourself here. I thought we agreed you needed a punishment. In fact, I think your answer was 'yes please.'"

Alex glanced around uncomfortably.

"Pull down those shorts first."

"What? No way!"

Olivia fixed her with a look. "Do what I say."

"No. I can't."

Olivia reached out and caught the hem of her shirt, dragging her forward. "Do it now, or I'll do it for you."

Alex shook her head stiffly. Olivia hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her shorts. "Please don't."

Olivia jerked the shorts down to her knees. It was suddenly obvious why Alex had been so resistant to the idea. She obviously hadn't had any clean underwear to put on after the shower. Olivia stared into the triangle of neatly trimmed hair, and then up at Alex's face, turning a furious red. She couldn't help the amused smirk, and a look of pure anguish showed up on Alex.

"Bend over." Olivia tugged Alex down to lie across her lap, her white ass facing the sky.

"What are you going to do?" Alex's voice was barely a murmur. Olivia patted her bottom.

"Don't tell me you've never been spanked before."

"I… haven't."

"No wonder you're such a brat."

Olivia felt a sob choke though Alex's chest. She hadn't even touched her and she was already crying. She rubbed her hand in a circle on her back.

"You're not a terrible person. But you are a brat. You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't care."

"What?" Alex's voice was choked and teary.

"I like you. This is for your own good."

And Olivia brought her hand down on Alex's ass. It wasn't very hard. Alex yelped, and Olivia grinned. She continued warming her up. After the first few she stopped yelping, but Liv could feel her clinging to her leg. After her bottom was nice and warm, Liv ran her hand over it, cupping each cheek. Her other hand rested on the nape of Alex's neck, keeping her head down. Liv felt Alex twitch in a different way at the light caress. Her lack of underwear made it too tempting just to check and see if she was turned on. She gave in to the impulse. Her fingers dipped between Alex's legs and came out thickly wet. She felt Alex cringe and tapped her head twice.

"This is a punishment. It's not supposed to turn you on."

Only a whimper came in response to that.

"Lets try to do better this time."

Olivia started in with a firmer hand. This time Alex thought she knew what to expect, and yelled in shock when Liv's heavy hand came down on her sensitive bottom. Liv kept on hitting her, steady but quick, with no time to recover in between. The yells turned to grunts and then to sobs. Alex's back was shaking, and she was crying in earnest, by the time Liv had reached the end of her twenty count. She rubbed her hand gently over her inflamed ass.

"You're a good girl, aren't you Alex?"

"Please don't do it again."

"I think you've paid in full for your little mistake, haven't you?"

Alex just cried, not even attempting to move from her lap.

Liv pulled Alex up and cradled her in her arms. "Hey, you're okay, right? I didn't hurt you too much?"

Alex shook her head, but still hid her face. Olivia stroked her hair.

"You were very good. You didn't cry to be let off once."

"Would you have let me go?"

"No."

Alex peeked out from behind her hands. "I didn't think so." A slight smirk was crossing her face. Olivia grinned in return, then she leaned in and captured Alex's lips. Olivia could taste her surprise. It was delicious. When she broke the kiss, short and chaste, Alex was staring at her, looking entirely lost. Olivia wound her fingers through her hair.

"You're my good girl, aren't you Alex?"

"Y-yes," Alex said, weakly. Then she smiled. "Yes, Ms. Benson." And she tucked her head under Olivia's chin, and let herself be held.

***

It was when Alex had just stepped out of her shower at home, and turned, glancing over her shoulder as she grabbed her towel, and seeing her reflection in the anti-fog mirror that she realized what had happened. Dark bruises were forming on her ass. Olivia had hit her hard enough to leave marks, not that it took much force to mark her fair skin.

She had been manipulated, violated, and humiliated, and afterwards she had curled up in Olivia's lap like a pet. What had she been thinking?

She dressed quickly and set out. She knew where Olivia lived, and in a few minutes, she parked her Spider at the curb.

The garage door was open. Olivia's car was parked in the driveway, and Alex could see Olivia changing a tire on her bike inside the garage. She walked in.

"I cannot believe I let you do that to me!"

Olivia glanced up from her bike, a dry expression on her face.

"You're some kind of pervert, aren't you? One of those S and-"

Olivia's hand was pressing against her mouth, holding it tightly shut. Her head was bent over Alex's shoulder, mouth near her ear, and her body so close that every time she breathed their breasts would touch.

"Don't you ever shut up?"

Alex could feel Olivia's humid breath on her ear. She couldn't think to even try and speak. Olivia's palm still pressed firmly against her lips.

"Get on your knees."

Olivia stepped away and grabbed a cloth that she wiped her hands on. They were oily. Black streaks marked Alex's cheek.

"What?"

Olivia pinned her with a look. "We both know why you're here. Let's stop kidding ourselves."

Alex stared at her blankly. She stayed confused, while Olivia smiled. She closed the distance again and cupped Alex's breast. Alex choked, but didn't jerk away. Olivia gave it a squeeze, as if testing an orange, and then dropped her hand, turning back to the metal racks on the wall. Five black fingerprints traced the curve of Alex's breast on her white shirt.

"Lines have been crossed," said Olivia, musingly, as if she were talking to herself. "We can't go back, now. We might as well go forward. It's what we both want." She glanced over her shoulder at Alex. "I thought I told you to get on your knees."

Alex dropped to her knees on the hard cement floor. She didn't know why Olivia's voice made her want to obey. It wasn't as if she had been trained that way. She had made it her business to disobey any order given to her, and now she was rolling over like a pet dog? It wasn't her mind, it couldn't be. She didn't want to obey her. But her body wasn't listening. It was as if Olivia could speak straight to her nervous system, bypassing all the higher functions that were supposed to be in between.

"Crawl over there and hit that button. We don't need neighbors walking past."

The cement dug into Alex's palms and her knees as she made her way over to the door control panel. She didn't want to turn her back on Olivia, she would have a perfect view of her ass, crawling away, the one she had beaten that afternoon, but sidling backwards would be worse. The moment she turned she felt herself get wet, just imagining Olivia's eyes on her.

The door came down, and Alex stayed huddled on her knees over by the function. God, what was she thinking? How could she do this?

She got to her feet, it was harder than she had thought.

"Olivia."

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

Alex flinched at the harshness in her voice, and then cursed herself for being so weak. "I don't know what you're thinking, but I didn't come over here for this."

Olivia crossed the garage in three steps. "Then why?" she asked, her face inches from Alex's, staring her down.

"What you did to me was sick."

"I did to you what any parent does to a misbehaving child."

"You left marks!"

"Then maybe you'll remember the lesson!" Olivia grabbed Alex's shoulder and shoved downward. "I thought I told you to get on your knees and shut up!"

Alex tripped and fell on her side. Olivia took a hold on her hair and dragged her to her knees. Alex heard the ripping sound of duct tape being peeled off the roll. Olivia slapped it over her mouth, lifted her hair, and wound it around her head twice, before tearing the end off. Alex reached for the tape to jerk it off, but in a moment Olivia had caught her hands and bound her wrists together behind her back. Alex tried struggling, and tried yelling, but the duct tape held firm. She tried to stand but her balance was off, and she fell back onto the cold cement. She started to panic. She couldn't breathe through her mouth, she couldn't breathe at all, she couldn't move…

Olivia's arms wrapped around her, and held her face.

"Breathe slowly through your nose."

Again, Alex couldn't help but obey, she could breathe again. She wasn't getting a lot of air, but she could handle it for a while. Olivia was stroking her hair.

"You okay, baby?"

Alex nodded slightly. Olivia's hands seemed to push calm into her. She was gagged and her wrists were bound, but she didn't feel afraid, well, that wasn't true. There was a frisson of terror in her stomach, but it was mixed with excitement. Maybe she had come here for a reason.

Olivia stood up, and Alex missed her the moment her touch was gone. She stood in front of her, her arms crossed, and looking down at kneeling Alex, with a planning expression.

"I didn't expect you back this soon," she said. "I thought you'd wait for the bruises to fade."

Alex didn't react. She hadn't thought Olivia would have been expecting her at all.

"But I suppose there's a lot you deserve to be punished for."

Alex furrowed her brow at that. She disagreed, but couldn't respond. Olivia grinned at her expression.

"Oh, I do like you gagged. That mouth of yours is the nastiest part of you. Maybe next time I'll wash it out with soap."

Alex narrowed her eyes.

Olivia reached out and pinched her nose, closing off all her airways. Alex tried to jerk her head away. She couldn't breathe! Olivia wouldn't let go. She felt herself start to get lightheaded. She was going to pass out. She was going to _die_! As she thought that her nipples stiffened. Olivia released her nose and she sucked in as much air as she could. Olivia was looking at her musingly, and Alex felt herself begin to blush. She had been suffocating and it had turned her on.

"You blow dried your hair before coming to see me."

Alex stared. Where had that come from?

"I liked it this afternoon though, all tangled. It's kind of curly naturally, isn't it?"

Alex nodded once, shortly.

"I liked you a lot this afternoon: all mussed up and angry. The lack of underwear was a nice touch. It's too bad I didn't check to see if you were wearing a bra."

Olivia smiled. Then she dropped to one knee and unbuttoned the top button on Alex's shirt.

"I suppose we can check now."

Alex leaned her head back as far as she could to try and see Olivia's fingertips, undoing each button. Her shirt parted, revealing the white lace bra that fastened at the front. Olivia smiled, and a shudder ran down Alex's spine. The cold from the cement floor was seeping into her knees, and her arms had started to ache from staying in such an awkward position, but all she could focus on were Olivia's fingers, unhooking her bra and letting it droop awkwardly from her shoulders. Her breasts hung free, and Olivia flicked her nipples lightly with her thumbs. They were only half hard, so Olivia pinched Alex's nose closed again. Alex's heart started racing involuntarily. She couldn't do this! She couldn't deal with this. It was shaming. Olivia _knew_ that all she had to do was fucking strangle her and her nipples would harden right up. Olivia's palm made a circle, rubbing against one, and Alex jerked her head back, this time not trying to loosen Olivia's grip, but in pure physical response to the heat and wetness that pooled between her thighs.

She could breathe again, but Olivia's hand had slipped under her skirt and between her legs, tracing one finger along the soaked crotch of her once clean underwear. How could she be so wet and swollen already? But it wasn't as if it hadn't been building up since the spanking that afternoon. Here, bound, with Olivia so close to her, she could admit it. The spanking had turned her on. Here she didn't have to worry about the judgment of the rest of the world. Olivia's finger pressed a little more firmly into her crotch.

"Are you a virgin?"

Alex felt shame suffuse her. She nodded. Olivia looked shocked, and made a move to pull away, but Alex made a bleating whimper, more from her chest than her mouth, begging her not to pull away now. Olivia paused, still looking at her with something between pity and guilt on her face.

"Are you sure you want this?"

Alex nodded again, jerkily. She didn't know if she would have been able to speak, and right now she was grateful for the gag.

"Wow." Olivia sat back on her heels, just looking at her. Alex felt tears start to well up in her eyes. What must she look like right now, with duct tape covering her mouth, her shirt and bra open, her breasts hanging free, her skirt hiked up until it covered nothing? Would Olivia want this mess?

"Get up, I'm not going to fuck you for the first time in the garage."

Alex was sure she couldn't get to her feet on her own. She wasn't even sure her legs could carry her, but Olivia caught her arm and helped her to her feet. She staggered after her towards the door, and stepped into Olivia's kitchen. Olivia left her leaning against the counter, and disappeared into another room.

Alex spent the time looking around the kitchen. It seemed like a perfectly normal kitchen, not one where someone with dark perverse sexual desires would live. But then again, she apparently had dark perverse sexual desires, so she probably shouldn't wonder at it not showing up in the kitchen. She rocked slightly against the counter. She was still turned on, and she couldn't help but wonder what it was going to be like. Olivia was going to fuck her. That was the first comprehensible idea she had encountered today. But with someone like Olivia, she wasn't entirely clear on what it would mean.

"Found it!"

Alex jumped as Olivia reentered the kitchen brandishing a box cutter. People had been murdered with box cutters just recently; she heard it on the news. She was going to die. She was going to die and Olivia would fuck her dead body.

Olivia caught her arms and she heard a shredding, then Olivia ripped the duct tape off her wrists. She would have screamed if it weren't for the gag. Olivia grinned at her. The box cutter was far too near her face. There was no way she was going to use that to cut the duct tape off her face.

Alex shook her head fiercely, but Olivia's hand cupped the nape of her neck. The blade of the box cutter pressed gently into her cheek, and Olivia dragged it down. It stung, but she didn't move. She couldn't or the box cutter could suddenly have penetrated her cheek. Olivia peeled back the duct tape gently, but it hurt. Then suddenly Olivia ripped it from her mouth, and Alex yelled, her newly released voice shocking even her. Olivia lifted her hair and dragged the sticky tape off her neck. Alex reached up and touched the tacky residue. She didn't say anything, just shot Olivia an expression that said clearly: this is gross. Then she pressed her finger where the box cutter had dug into her skin. A thin trace of blood marked her finger.

"You cut me!" Alex hissed, brandishing her finger. Olivia caught her hand and licked the blood from it. Then she grinned.

"You'll bleed again before I'm done with you," she said, and started for the stairs.

Alex felt her knees shudder. But she followed. She couldn't not follow.

***

Alex's English teacher had pulled her aside after class and thanked her, rather weepily, for being the only person who had read the book or had anything interesting to say in class at all. It was repulsive and she escaped as soon as she could.

Serena was waiting for her in the small set of bleachers near the softball field. Alex had gotten used to finding her there now that it was spring and cheerleading was over.

Serena gave her an inquiring look. Alex dropped her backpack limply and dropped onto the bench an odd expression on her face.

"I don't like who I am anymore."

Serena's eyes widened. Alex glanced from her to the softball field where the team was starting practice.

"I don't like who you've become either."

"Oh, thanks a lot."

"Seriously, though. My English teacher just groveled at my feet for making her life worth living, and I just wondered why I was making the effort. That book was the most banal, moralistic, idiotic piece of trash I have ever encountered, and the most important thing the teacher got out of it was vocabulary. I got a perfect score on the SATs, I do not need vocabulary builder lessons."

Serena laughed.

Alex glared at her. "I wasn't trying to be funny."

"Oh! I was just watching, I mean…" She looked contrite, but Alex wasn't about to forgive her.

She stood grabbing her bag. "There's no point in telling you this."

Alex marched back up to the school and straight to the English wing. She found her teacher just coming out of her office.

"Look!"

The teacher dropped her bag. Alex didn't help her pick it up.

"I read the book. It was a bad book. I came to class. It was stultifying, and if you don't know what that means, spell it s-t-u-p-i-d. And I've been coming to class, and I've been being good, and I am sick of it."

"That's interesting to hear."

Alex whirled. Olivia was standing behind her, that look in her eyes that said she'd regret what she'd just done.

"Guess what," Alex hissed. "I don't care."

And she stormed out.

When Alex came into Olivia's house through the garage, Olivia was turned away from the door, doing something at the sink. She heard Alex enter and called out, "Take your pants down and lie with your face on the floor."

Alex wasn't having any of that. "Olivia."

Olivia looked around at her, giving her the warning glare for using her name. "What did I say?"

"I'm not interested."

"Do you think you're just going to get away with what you said to that poor teacher?"

"That 'poor teacher' just wasted an hour of my life."

"Well, It looks like the brat's returned."

"Don't call me that, Olivia."

She stepped forward, angry at the blatant disobeyal of her ground rules.

"What did you say?"

"O-li-vi-a."

Alex's head snapped to the side as Olivia's brisk backhand connected with her cheek. She just grit her teeth and struck back, her closed fist making Olivia stagger a step or two backwards. She held her hand to her face where Alex had connected.

"We need a time out. I'm not playing your sick little games, and if I can't talk to you like I'm a human being and not your pet dog, I am walking out that door and I will never walk back in."

Olivia sank into a stool at the counter. "Fine. Let's talk. Let's talk about why you think it's okay to hit me again."

"Maybe because I want to hit you sometimes. Maybe I want to be you for a little while. You get it all. You get me kneeling at your feet here _and_ at school, and I've had enough of both. You wanted to control me, and it was exciting and sexy to be controlled for a little while, it still is, but not when I'm being punished for something I had to do."

"You _had_ to mouth off to that teacher?"

"I did. Because I'm not the kind of girl who sits down and shuts up. I get what I want. What_ever_ I want. And that's not because I'm rich or spoiled. It's because I take it. I just reach out and take it. And I wanted you. But you're the one thing I don't have."

"What do you mean?"

"I want to fuck you. I want to hurt you and make you scream. I want something besides your anger and your indifference."

"I can't let you do that."

"Then I can't do this anymore."

***

It was disgustingly hot in the middle of June, and Alex was standing in front of her locker, wondering how she had accumulated so much crap in barely nine months. She had found a garbage bag and thrust wads of paper into it, regardless of whether it was calculus homework or English notes, or even a dog-eared copy of the Scarlet Letter. She hated that book, and it had no covers anyway.

She could see Serena over by the stairs, saying goodbye to her girlfriend and sniveling. Alex rolled her eyes. They wouldn't have even gotten together if Casey hadn't finally taken the initiative.

There was a small cough from behind her, and Alex turned. Olivia was standing there, arms crossed.

"You going to recycle that?"

"Don't I always?"

Things were still a little awkward after Alex had finally stood up and told her that she didn't want to be her bitch anymore. It had been fun, and enlightening, but she wanted to try out some of the things she had learned, and Olivia wouldn't let her. It had been a disappointment.

But they had left each other alone since then. Neither challenging the other's authority. This was the first time they had spoken personally since.

Olivia held out a package, wrapped unobtrusively in brown paper. "Graduation present." She leaned closer and whispered in Alex's ear. "Don't open it in public."

Alex couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as she hugged the box to her. Olivia kissed her cheek and stepped away. "Have fun in college, but not _too_ much fun."

Alex shook the box lightly, thinking she discerned a clink. Whatever it was, she was _sure_ it would make her college experience absolutely incredible.

***

Three and a half years later, Alex leaned against the wall, as she watched the dancing and tried to ignore Serena's whining.

"Casey doesn't want me to come over tonight."

"God, Serena. You're going to make that girl flunk out of college, and then she'll go back to Connecticut and you'll _never see her again_."

Serena gave a slight whimper. "I think she's into one of the girls on her softball team."

"You are pathetic." Alex glared at her. "Why am I still friends with you?"

She turned away from her irritating companion and looked back at the dancers. "Who's she?" She pointed to a girl with wild dark hair who was the center of attention, even though Alex judged her dancing to be too exuberant to be sexy. Still, she was managing to give most of the boys in the room a hard-on.

"Her?" Serena gave her an odd look and Alex glared right back. Just because she was her best friend and had been so forever did not give her the right to judge Alex's taste in women. Especially because she was _still_ dating 'fashion disaster.' "I think she's one of the frat boys' girlfriends. She doesn't go here; she's been crashing in his room for a week."

"Hmm."

"Alex…" Serena sounded tentative. "You're not going to-"

But Alex had already started out into the middle of the room and her words were lost in the music.

The girl saw her approach and welcomed it, with smile and an offered hand. Alex took it and stepped in close. "You're a terrible dancer," she said.

The girl just linked her arms around Alex's neck and pressed her hips into her. "Yeah? You going to show me something better?"

Alex slid her hands down her back and they moved slowly together. "Maybe. If you show potential."

"If I didn't show potential, you wouldn't be here."

Alex kissed her. The girl took the challenge.

There was applause, which they ignored.

Ten minutes later they were heading towards the door. Someone was shouting over the music, probably the frat-boyfriend, they ignored this too. In the hallway the girl kissed Alex, sliding her hands up under her shirt to cup her breasts.

"I want to fuck you."

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

"I can take anything you want to give me."

Alex let a grin spread across her face. It had been a long since she had a chance to try some of the things in her box. "Good," she said.

Alex was a little surprised to wake up to smiling blue eyes and sex mussed hair. Most people she brought over who didn't flee in the middle of the night never to be seen again, gave her the awkward speech about her being 'too intense' and then avoided her at all opportunities.

"Hey."

Alex had left fingerprints on the girl's throat. It made her squirm, in a good way. "… Good morning."

The girl grinned, and then kissed her. She tasted like mint. Alex considered the probability of her having stolen her toothbrush, and then whether she cared.

"Cocoa Puffs?"

Alex frowned, bewildered. The girl hopped off the bed and rummaged in a bag she hadn't seen before, then tossed her a mini-box of cereal that looked like it had been shoplifted out of the school cafeteria. Distracted by the nudity, Alex didn't mention that she usually avoided chocolate-flavored items for breakfast.

"You're still here."

The girl flashed a smile over her shoulder. "You're really kinky."

"And…"

A hot look and a flick of the eyebrows. "I like that."

It wasn't until the third evening Alex found the girl waiting outside her dorm that she realized she might have gotten more than she bargained for when picking up a random stranger at a party. She didn't let the realization interfere with the sex, which had only gotten better. But she stayed awake longer than usual afterwards, inspecting the ligature marks on the girl's wrists, and wondering whether to curse Olivia or thank her.

FIN


	2. Corrolary

"You got the job?"

Alex looked up from the phone. Lorelai was lounging on her bed in a red silk negligee that Alex was pretty certain she had stolen from the Victoria's Secret on Fifth Avenue. It didn't bother her. She looked hot, especially in handcuffs.

Alex smiled. "I did. I'm staying in New York."

"Brilliant!"

Alex rolled her eyes. "I didn't say you could stay with me."

Lorelai pouted. "You'd throw me out? Honestly? But think about it. It's really a lot cheaper than hiring a prostitute every time you need to get off. And this way you won't pull a Spitzer."

"Because being linked to a larcenous freeloader is really that much better."

Lorelai grinned. "I think it's more likely your proclivities would get you in trouble than mine." She lifted the braided lash off the bedside table between her toes.

"Is this blackmail?"

Lorelai rolled onto her back, half dangling off the bed. "Of course not. Think of it as… potential blackmail."

The negligee had slithered down to rest on Lorelai's stomach. Alex breathed through her nose.

"It doesn't start until July though. I should probably go home until the apartment's free."

"Where's home?"

"Connecticut."

Lorelai froze. "Where in Connecticut?"

"Darien."

"Fuck, thank god."

"What?"

"As long as it's not near West Hartford, I'm good."

"What's in West Hartford?"

"My mother."

***

Alex didn't remember inviting Lorelai home with her for the month between graduation and her apartment opening up, but she didn't think of suggesting that she find somewhere else to be. It wasn't as if she was invested in the relationship or anything, but she knew Lorelai's method of finding a place to sleep was going home with someone who wanted to fuck her and then not leaving. And oddly, the thought of that made her stomach churn.

Darien was close enough to the city to be considered a commuter suburb, but neither of her parents had made it to her graduation. They had both sent cards with substantial checks inside. Alex, who had never met anyone who never had enough money until Lorelai had settled in her dorm room, had begun to wonder why her parents thought giving her money meant anything at all. When Lorelai gave her an interesting leaf she had picked up in Central Park it was more of an effort than her parents giving her a thousand dollars.

Her mom at least sent a note about the goings on of the board of St. Theresa's. She hadn't bothered to ask how Alex was, but at least she wasn't pretending to care. She also said that she'd be up in 'the north country' during Alex's graduation making a deal for the school, and she wasn't sure how long it would take. That was good news. The house would be empty when they got there and she wouldn't have to explain whom Lorelai was and what she was doing there right away.

Serena wasn't coming back to Connecticut for the summer. Her parents had moved to Japan to rekindle their romance and were flying her out with the promise that when she got bored they would give her a ticket to Hong Kong and she could make her way on her own from there. She had broken up with Casey for about the fourteenth time, and Casey was staying in the city for the summer helping coach a softball team for underprivileged kids.

Alex was actually glad Lorelai was coming with her. With all of her friends gone, Connecticut was going to be triply boring.

***

Four o'clock to six o'clock was naked swimming time on Lorelai's schedule. Alex wasn't about to complain. And on this particular Tuesday naked swimming time had turned into naked lawn chair sex and it was just about to get really good when Alex heard the door to the outside open and her mom's voice saying, "I'm sorry I can't offer you a drink, but I let the staff off while we were gone."

Alex did an unexpectedly powerful sit up, knocking over the lawn chair and sending Lorelai into the pool with a loud splash. She hurriedly wrapped herself in a towel and threw the other one at Lorelai who was climbing out of the pool, spitting out water.

"What was-"

"Hi mom!"

Lorelai shut up and grinned. Alex smiled at her mom as fakely as possible, but her mom wasn't even looking in their direction. When Alex spoke she turned around and looked shocked.

"Alex! I didn't know you were home. You didn't call Marta?"

Alex wasn't about to explain that having the staff around would hinder naked swimming time, role-play cooking time, and most of the other events Lorelai had scheduled to make Connecticut less boring. But if she had wanted to she wouldn't have been able to form the words because the last person she had expected to see was standing behind her mother's shoulder, grinning at her and Lorelai in a way that suggested she knew exactly had been going on before her mother opened the door, and was also quite understanding of why they hadn't requested the return of the staff.

"H-hi, Ms. Benson."

"Hello Alex. Congratulations on graduating. Who's your friend?"

"Ah," Alex reached out and put her hand on Lorelai's bare wet shoulder. "This is Lorelai."

Olivia gave Lorelai a sharp once over. Lorelai met her critical gaze with one of her own, and one of her fierce grins.

"Lorelai?" Mrs. Cabot looked in surprise at Alex's guest. "Not Lorelai Gilmore?"

Alex felt Lorelai's shoulder stiffen under her hand. "Uh, no. Lorelai… Steinbachen."

Olivia snorted. Mrs. Cabot glanced between Olivia and Lorelai. "Was that… a joke? You are Lorelai Gilmore, right? Your mother showed us a picture."

Lorelai's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, I'm Lorelai Gilmore."

"What a surprise! Your mother said you were traveling. Does she know you're back in the states?"

Lorelai seemed desperate to flee, but Alex was enjoying this.

"I haven't… written her, recently."

"How lucky this is. We met just this past week, working on making St. Teresa's and Chilton sister schools. We invited her to dinner on Friday. She'll be so happy to see you."

Lorelai winced. "Maybe not so happy."

Alex frowned. Something odd was going on. She looked at Olivia. "We?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow and grinned.

Alex's jaw dropped. "Oh my god."

***

Lorelai leaned back into the pillows on Alex's bed and giggled. "So explain this to me once again. You had a kinky affair with the principal of your school senior year, and now she's fucking your mom?"

"I think you have a perfectly good handle on the situation," replied Alex, groaning and flopping onto the mattress next to her. Lorelai's hand crept under her shirt and Alex rolled closer. "What about you? Dinner on Friday?"

Alex knew she had said the wrong thing when Lorelai retracted her hand. But she didn't let her pull away. Throwing a knee over her waist, Alex grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. Lorelai's wide blue eyes shimmered, and Alex felt a clench of fear in her chest that she was going to cry, "What happened?"

"I ran away."

"Yeah?"

"I had to plan it, so carefully. I had to make them think everything was okay. Three days before my high school graduation I told them that I was going on a short trip with a few other girls in my class. That gave me a head start. I took out as much cash as I could and disappeared. I haven't seen them since."

"Why did you run?"

"What slave wouldn't break her chains when she notices that they're there?"

***

"I don't know if I can deal with this."

Olivia took a slow sip of her wine and arched an eyebrow. "I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't have anything to do with you, Alex."

"It doesn't?"

"It doesn't. And why should you even care? You've got your little toy. Tell me? Is she everything you wanted?"

Alex gave her a look, eyes glinting like chips of mica. "She's more."

Olivia laughed. "Really? Does she even sub for you?" She glanced over to where Lorelai was bewildering a guest with made up tales of her adventures in foreign lands. "She doesn't look broken."

"Some people don't have to be broken to sub. That's your problem, Olivia," Alex saw her tense at the sound of her name and wanted to spit, "You're too afraid to get on your knees because you don't know how to trust people. But you were right not to trust me. You humiliated me for months, at school, in front of my friends. I liked being punished, but I don't get off on that. It took me a long time to get over that anger."

Olivia looked stunned and stared into her drink. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You taught me a lot about myself. But… my mom?"

Olivia just shook her head and smiled.

***

Emily Gilmore strode into the room like a larger Napoleon, and Alex saw the ache of horror cross Lorelai's face. She slid in behind her and rested a hand on her arm. Lorelai turned to her and at the sight of her eyes Alex wondered when she had started to care this much.

"Don't let her take me back there."

"I won't, I promise."

"Emily!" Mrs. Cabot's cheer cut through the moment. "We have a surprise for you."

The aisle between Mrs. Gilmore and her daughter was cleared and their eyes locked. The hurt and hope on Emily's face was terrifying and Alex stepped in close behind Lorelai so she could feel her presence. Emily Gilmore was not going to win.

"Lorelai…"

"Hi mom."

***

Alex was looking for Lorelai. She had lost track of her after the post-prandial brandies were passed out, and she couldn't see Emily Gilmore anywhere either. Then she heard voices out in the yard by the fountain.

"Come home, Lorelai."

"I'm never going back there again!"

"Why? Why do you hate us so much?" Alex stepped out of the shadows, and Emily spotted her. She gave her a look like a sharp threat.

"Why? You're asking me why?" Lorelai was shaking her head. "You killed my baby. You drugged me and took me to England against my will and killed her."

Alex froze.

"I was saving your life, your future!"

"You murdered it."

Lorelai spun to leave and saw her audience.

Alex gaped. She couldn't process this. She turned and fled.

"Alex!" she heard Lorelai shout, but she didn't stop.

***

"Hey! You!" Olivia called out to Lorelai as she chased Alex towards the stairs. Lorelai glared at her, frustrated in her pursuit.

"What do you want?" she hissed.

"You should let her cool off for a bit. She's not much fun when she's angry."

Lorelai scrunched her nose in distaste. "You think you know her."

Olivia frowned. "Why shouldn't I think that? I was with her. I brought her into the world that left marks on your wrists."

"What do you really know about her? That she likes to be choked? That she can't stand idiots? You know nothing about her being angry."

"I know she doesn't think of other people as human. She doesn't realize she's a bitch because she doesn't process empathy. Everything is about her, and if you go after her, she'll let you know exactly what you're worth."

Lorelai laughed in her face. "Do you have any idea how many times I've been accused of that same thing? I know it's true for me, and it might be for her, but it's bullshit if you say it's not true for you too."

"You're hot, but I can't understand why she puts up with you."

Lorelai grinned and started for the stairs again. "You're hot, but it's fucking obvious why she dumped you."

***

When Lorelai came in, Alex glanced up from where she lay flopped on the bed. Lorelai nearly stumbled at the sight of her smeared mascara. Alex must be really stunned to let herself appear that human.

"How are you?" Lorelai asked hesitantly.

"You didn't tell me."

Lorelai took a breath and tried to meet her gaze, but she couldn't force herself to, and stared out the window instead. "I don't… I don't tell anyone. It's so hard to find the words."

Alex nodded. "I know now."

"You do."

"What am I supposed to do with that! How am I supposed to look at you now?"

Lorelai hugged herself. Alex looked traumatized.

"I didn't mean that. But… but how am I supposed to hurt you? When you were just… just that weird hot girl I picked up, I could use you. But…"

"Don't make me into a victim." Their eyes locked. "You've never hurt me."

"I've made you bleed."

"So did my first boyfriend. _And_ he got me pregnant, which was ten times worse than anything you did."

Alex scrubbed her face. "I haven't been treating you like a person."

"You've never tried to control me. Not like _them_."

"I've tied you up. I've stopped myself from saying so many things so you wouldn't leave."

"You _didn't _say things?"

"I had to restrain my bitchiness so I wouldn't chase you away."

"And that's what you consider controlling me? Sparing my feelings is controlling me?" Lorelai shook her head. "And you think you don't treat me like a person? Olivia fucked you up worse than I thought."

Lorelai knelt next to her and threaded her fingers through her hair.

"Don't hurt me," Alex murmured, inexplicably even to herself.

Lorelai leaned in, lifted her head and caught her lips, kissing her. Alex's mouth opened and they sank down into the pillows together. Hands slid under expensive dresses, crumpling them and pushing them up and out of the way.

The door opened. "Alex? Mrs. Gilmore is leaving, have you seen…" Mrs. Cabot peeked her nose into the room. "Oh! Excuse me."

#


End file.
